Day 1 - The Point of No Return

I can’t count the number of times I’ve tried.  I’ve struggled with my weight for years, committed to any number of diets, succeeded only to put the weight back on, and gradually crept up and up until reaching a weight I can’t bear to say outloud.  Let’s just say I now weigh double my recommended body weight.  As I let that number sink in, Ive realized that I’ve reached the point of no return.

I’m a single woman, semi-menopausal, with a inactive lifestyle.  I’m used to indulging my every food whim with the excuse that "I deserve it because I work hard."  I don’t have a family to cook for so I eat whatever I have a craving for.  Yes, I’ve eaten Twinkies for breakfast, and chip dip for dinner.  Fresh vegetables die a long, slow death in my fridge, dissolving into a puddle of slime before I get around to eating them.  I buy Lean Cuisine, then eat three of them for dinner.  I buy ice cream bars and eat three of them for lunch.  I rarely bother with breakfast unless I go out and eat a truck driver’s breakfast of eggs, steak, hash browns and toast.  

I’m a smart woman.   Vital stats:  5’6”, 57 years old, BMI 44 (yikes).   And a family history of heart disease.  I should know better.  I acknowledge that most of the damage has probably already been done and losing weight might not save me.  But I’m now faced with a choice.  Go on as I have been and accept a much shorter lifespan, or try, once more, to make a change.  I feel like I’m teetering on the edge of a cliff – and I’m actually considering just stepping off.  I can accept the fact that I’m going to be this weight – or even more – for the rest of my life, however short that might be.  Or I can step back from the edge and try again.  Just once more.  

I need a plan.  I don’t want to call it a diet this time because I’m sick of thinking that I’m on a diet.  It’s not a New Year’s resolution, either.  I’m just going to quietly switch up the foods I chose to eat.  There are only a few “plans” that offer the possibility of reversing the damage I’ve probably already done to my heart and those require a vegan diet with virtually no added fat.  But I have put myself in a serious spot and it will take a serious commitment to get out of it. 

I’m going to give it a year and document my thoughts along the way.  And so this blog is born.  Will I still be here in 365 days?  Who will I be?  How will I feel about myself?  Will I ever eat ice cream again?  Tune in and find out!