Day 6 - A New Year, A New Resolve

How many times have I made a New Year’s resolution to get more exercise  .  .  . or to eat a healthier diet . . .  or to lose some weight?  Yeah, we all begin the new year with good intentions.  This year, I didn’t make a resolution.  I made a decision – a decision to try to extend my lifespan, to believe that I might be around to see my nieces get married and have children of their own. 

As I was driving to the grocery store the yesterday, I saw a billboard that said, “Never quit trying to quit.”  Aimed at cigarette smokers, the phrase also rang true for me.  Once you give up trying, you have lost.  The act of trying means that you still want to make a change.  I had reached the point where I was ready to stop trying, then decided not to give up.

I’ve been working on my plan for almost a week now.  Right around the one week mark is always when my resolve first starts to waver.  Though I’m still in mourning for the foods that I’ll never be able to eat again, I really haven’t been hungry enough to even consider surrender this time.  Nor have I experienced any cravings.  Is that a result of the healthy, more balanced diet?  The thought of cheating is abhorrent to me right now.  When I began a week ago, I called myself veganish, allowing myself non-fat dairy and egg whites.  I’ve now decided to go all in and forget the dairy.

I feel better than I have in months.  I feel more alert, my mind seems to be clearer.  My body feels lighter.  I feel in control and after so many years of being out of control, that gives me a certain amount of pride.  Maybe this will be the one time that it works.